Day 2: Practicing Kindness and Compassion....
...in real time....
Agapé has been my yearly word for over five years: practicing loving kindness and compassion, unconditional love. I opted not to pick a new word each year, especially after an examination of my behaviors made me realize I was a long way from mastering this journey. I thought I was doing pretty well. I was enjoying people, smiling more, giving compliments, feeling more relaxed, always saying thank you…I was riding high.
But — sometimes it’s the smallest of things that make you realize how far you have to go to achieve the true meaning of this word.
Robocalls.
That’s what triggered me that I wasn’t doing as well as I thought. I was trying to get off phone lists and invoke the “do not call” mantra. I was not nice — I started out nice and as soon as I said “take me off…”, you heard “the click.” I started calling back the numbers, leaving messages, calling at odd hours…certainly not practicing what I thought I was living. But they were constantly calling me, using cloned numbers, talking about my student loans (1970 — no loan from college), offering to buy my house in Tucson (I live in Vermont), offering to extend my car’s warranty (I don’t drive) — you get the picture.
Yesterday I called a number back and proceeded to sternly tell the woman to take my name off her list. She had no idea what I was talking about, and I started to argue that I had her phone number on my phone, so she must have called. She proceeded to call me out for being “nasty and rude.” After a few minutes of back and forth, we both hung up, unsatisfactorily, I’m sure, on both parts.
I was unsettled, and I was not sure why…I didn’t get any satisfaction. We have come to expect the feeling of I’m right and you’re wrong. We want to bask in our sense of righteousness.
Then…as I’m processing the call…I remember…
it had been a wrong number.
&^$%#^$
I was in a quandary. Do I call back and apologize, because I was in the wrong, or do I accept my stupidity and move on?
It didn’t feel right to ignore my action. I had to walk the talk if I were to succeed at legitimately being a kind person.
I called back. She answered and threatened to report me for harassment while I’m trying to say “I called to apologize.” Once I got it out, her response was “Oh.” I explained what happened and that I was sorry to have been rude. I thought that would be it.
She accepted my apology and proceeded to tell me I should not be rude to people and a few other pieces of advice. I held my tongue and listened fully to the lesson. I expected her to accept the apology and say “Mistakes happen,” rather than get a continuation.
That did not happen.
I was unsettled after my apology. I wanted affirmation that I had done the right thing, that she forgave me, and I wanted a lot of meaningless platitudes.
I was reminded of Neale Donald Walsch’s (Conversations with God) example of HEB — Highly Evolved Beings, who would have never even found themselves in this position of being rude. He is absolutely right — we have so far to go as a species to practice kindness in everything we do. According to Walsch, if our lives of kindness are a football field, we are merely on the two-yard-line, with a long way to g to cross the goal line.
In our current world of extreme uncertainty, actual evil, death and destruction that can have been prevented, and increased helplessness and depression, what do we do? Unconditional love? How is that even a possibility?
Loving kindness and compassion to random people certainly does not feel like enough action to save the planet and move forward to a “new normal.” And yet…
We can only control what we decide to do, how we react to a particular person or situation.
I continue to compliment people, I pick up random trash, I donate to causes. It may not be much, but I know I have done something that just might ripple out in ways I will never see.
I continue to make textile art because we need all forms beauty to feed our souls in these turbulent times and possibly help us forge a way through evil with art.
I continue to read extensively so I am informed and able to answer questions in conversations about preparing for our futures.
Will it be enough?
I can’t give in to the fear of “I don’t think so.”
We see our way of living changing rapidly. We are not the only people experiencing this. Folks all over the world are in flux, both in massive and minor changes. But I have heat, running water, and food. I’m not hiding in a basement as bombs are falling around me. I’m not leaving everything behind me, with all that is precious in my arms or a small satchel.
And I have a voice. I can write to make people aware of the world around us.What is true, what is not, and what is a compassionate action (no matter how small) we can take. We as a people have to accept responsibility that we cannot sit idly by, ignoring the news because it depresses us or it does not apply to us.
We are not islands. At some point the world will knock on our doors and expect answers. There will be empty grocery aisles, higher gas prices, more destructive fires, and newly enacted regressive laws. People will die who should continue a meaningful life with all our help.
We do not have the right to wear the blinders of unknowing, to be unaware of what happens around us every single day. We cannot say “Someone else will do what needs to be done - I respect the people who are activists for the rest of us.”
That is not the answer. We cannot change what is happening without each and everyone of us taking a stand, no matter how small. Do we want to wake up after an election or other crucial event and say, “I should’ve done more?”
Can we do anything? I have to believe we can. We need hope. We need compassion. We need truth and kindness.
We must find a way to overcome our divisiveness before we are all split apart with no way to thread ourselves back together. I have to believe that love, kindness, compassion…and truth…practiced by as many of us as possible…will clear a path to renewal, day after every single day.
YOUR TASK for today:
Reflect back on your day. How many moments of concern for others did you have? How many times did you act on those concerns, no matter how small? What could you have done differently?
If you feel like sharing, leave a comment. Let’s develop a supportive community for the rough times ahead.
Your Inspiration for the day:
I love your story of the phone call and that you called back. We can’t have expectations and can just do what feels right; thank you for these words of taking action to create change; no one will do it for us;
Very thought provoking. As you know, I strive to be kind and co.passionate but there are days when it is indeed a struggle. It does help me, however, to know that other people ate on the same journey. And there is always something that can be done to lighten someone else's load. Thanks for being you.